Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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