They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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