This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize