The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
