He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
