he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
