Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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