my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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