I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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