3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Randomize
