how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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