there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
