Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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