a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
