i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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