i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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