waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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