you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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