I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Bring me that man meat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
