There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
