genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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