I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
