apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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