We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
