dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
