I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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