Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
