bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
