Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
