So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
