Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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