dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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