I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
