now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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