peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
