I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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