Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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