I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
