I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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