smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
