I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
