the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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