I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A+ Viking dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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