sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
