I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
