redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
