i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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