marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
