I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
