is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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