Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
