he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
