woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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