somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
