I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize