either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
