similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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