Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
