i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
