well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
