I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
