Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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