batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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