Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
