the condom got lost in my hair
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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