my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
