Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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